i wish i had the courage to be completely naked

i wish i had the courage to be completely naked

to feel the pangs of the winds on my skin,
  and shiver fleetingly in them
to feel the thorns of the stones beneath my feet
  and revel in the pain
to notice the eyes upon me, with surprise and masked indifference
  and be ok with me noticing them
to feel the sharp gaze of judgement, with the obscenity that comes from fear
  and not bother while acknowledging them
i wish i had the courage to be completely naked

i wish i could sing with abandon, complete and uninhibited
  restrained only by my taste and intuition
i wish i could feel the charred heat of the sun on my skin
  while i shrug off the earth in my palms
and the drop of sweat on my brow, trickling down
  as i prepare to walk on
i wish i could let each part of my body and self be as they are
  and not an ode to someone else or my desires, even if momentarily so
to be for an instant, completely unhinged,
  in breath, in stride, not just in ideas and opinions

i wish i could be disconnected completely,
  and connected intricately at the same time
naked in self, and clothed by nature at the same time
i wish i could love without fear and pre-conceptions again
  like i was reading a book for the first time
i wish i lay on the ground and wrap myself in the earth around me
  as the night sky rained upon me
  and cleansed me from the burden of my thoughts
i wish i could feel whole and empty at the same time
  as if i had died and was just coming back to life

i might not ever get there, but i promise you i'm getting closer
  and i hope you are too
i wish i had the courage to be completely naked
  to be who i am, and to find who i am

chala chal musafir

akela chala musafir apne raah pe

akela khada musafir apni aah se

akela raha musafir apni baahon mein

akela mara musafir apni mitti mein

akele reh jaayegene hum, par chalte jaaengein

is akelepan mein simat jaaenge hum, par chalte jaengein

apne andar kho jaaengein, par chalte jaaengein

chalte jaaengein aur ladte jaaengein

kho gaya tha musafir is duniya ke khwaabon mein

ki apni tanhai bhi kho gayi

kho gaya tha musafir sheher ki roshni mein

ki andar ke andhere na dikhein

laut aayenge woh din

laut aayegi woh dard

laut aayegi woh kashish

aur phir jal uthega woh naabalik

laut aayega woh

tadap uthega woh

par phir paida, khada

aur ladak uthega woh bacha

yehi samay hai

yehi imtihaan

har mod pe ek hi daastan

chala chal musafir

teri ant aur tere shuruvaat mein

ek hi kashish likhi thi

chalta ja musafir

abhi raah kaafi lambi hai

abhi raah kaafi baaki hai

Yeh zakhm kuch hare bhare se hain

Yeh zakhm kuch hare bhare se hain
Aansun kuch dare dare se hain
Syahi yeh zindagi ki tapak tapak kar thak chuki hai
Mujhe door jaana, aur aage safar kaafi Lamba hai

Is ummeed mein ki musafir milega
Is ummeed mein ki tum phir miloge

Atakti hui saans se chipti hui ehsaas tak
Har ant Mubarak hai
Ek samay aisa aayega
Ek samay aisa tha

Ji leta musafir is pal ko
Par har pal mein kuch kamin si hai
Har pal mein ek khaameen si hai

Tu bahadur banta jaayega par bahadur ho nahin paayega
Is shangarsh ke beech apne aap mein dabta jaayega
Apne aap mein simat jaayega

Har vakt har samay har pal
Tere paas ek hi raasta reh jaayega
Chalta ja, manzil kabhi na kabhi to nazar aayega

outside

oh how i wish i was outside
how i wish i was among the stars
how i wish i was on the turf of grass
how i wish i had no ceilings

the animal in me hurts for sky above
hurts for the perfume of raw air
how it yearns to run amok and be free
how it can’t help but be aimless and direction less whenever it tries to

how i yearn to be outside
how i would want the sun to be out again
how i would want to feel the warmth of cool rain drops
how i want to feel water and dirt and reclaim by body, almost a corpse now

the time shall come, it shall come
i will get over my worthless struggle
and in the end, i’ll be free again
i’ll be freer than before, i’ll be free
at least for once

—

how once i wished to be with you
but now i wish to be with myself, at ease and in peace

how i wish to be me, again, more than i have ever been
remember more than ever what i have forgotten
find more than ever what i have lost
run harder than i have ever with old knees
fall lower and lower, and drift away

—

Shell for online activity in browser.

While my guitar gently weeps,
while my coffee slowly brews, and
while my code obediently runs

let's try and whip up a dig[1]

Shell to self-activity

This is to present an idea and hopefully incorporate some feedback about whether it sounds cool or not. We all know we spend an inordinate amount of time online which is probably far better spent traveling, listening to music, meeting new people or far better drinking. But personal rant aside - I've always been curious to analyze my own activity online (and be depressed by it). But how about an intuitive interactive way to play with it.

so let's say on our facebook/quora page, we have a shell. yes, you heard it - a shell that let's you type commands in - geek stuff. And this shell lets you control what you see and presents you with information you might want to query.

for instance, let's say i'm casually browsing facebook,

and I want to see all the posts by my very best friend Bill Waterson. (Heck yes, this is my world, and in this world, Bill Waterson is my friend.) So since I find my friend Bill to be very interesting, I just type

posts.fetch_all_by(bill)          // Obviously this has autocomplete all the way through to bill.

By default, this brings up only the top 10-20 posts, say. But since I'm feeling adventurous, I might do something more. I vaguely remember him sharing something insightful about painting a few months back.

posts.fetch_all_by(bill).between("today").and("march 2013");
or
posts.fetch_all_by(bill).within("last_2_months");

// Side note to Chomsky ninjas. Yes I know this isn't proper grammar for the language. I'll fix the interface later. stay with me.

In fact I can do this for photos I'm tagged in, by venue/location. You get the idea.

photos.fetch_of_self.within_months(2).tagged_with("Bill").near("Skibo");

I can also say. filter my current set of posts.

posts.filter_remove("Hunger Games");  // Cos I'm tired of looking at those topics.

I could query how much time I've spent over the last 2 days - how many posts I've liked etc. It would make for something very insightful about myself.

This same shell could run across websites. FB, Quora, Google. Tell you about all your browsing activity etc. Plot graphs for you in d3.js (because you know d3 is awesome).

Just a thought.

Though some of the negatives I can see with this are -
1. facebook is already kinda trying this with the graph query language and API etc. Though their smart bar is worse than shit.
2. Bad stalkers can use this for perpetrating all kinds of shit. Though this could be plugged into facebook's privacy mechanism - for what it's worth. (NSA can see shit anyway).

Blog over.

quips

that's the price of exploration - you leave things behind.

life is weird - it'll give you treasures and then make you long for it your entire life.

i shall try, mother

as i miss out on the stars sparkling above, they tell me
as i miss out on feeling the cold stone of the cathedral, the sounds wither out
as i miss the touch of your palms, the sounds almost drown out
and even the waves are silent



as i imagine your hair brush aside your shoulders
and fall on your skin
as the mundane keys play an incomprehensible but worthless tune
i give up, rise and give up again

every moment is besmirched by a tension, it longs
only too hard to evacuate, but i can't
at the centre of the room, in the middle of the grove
lies the easiest task for man, to
pick the fruit up and enter salvation

but the thirst will never end,
and the man will never rise
the lowly disdain of lowly human beings
is meant for sufferance and insufferable souls

if everything cannot be, then nothing shall be
and nothing shall let remain
the remainder of our lives shall be marred,
with charcoal and dust
we weren't made of fine grains, we were
but the coarse sand

we wore bare feet and dirty limbs
our spirits once flew and we were full of mud
our eyes but knew, but never gave up
our souls but knew, but they restrained, defied and survived

we were tormented, but we prevailed
we are tormented, albeit by ourselves,
but we shall prevail
prevail, we shall, but with steadfast mockery
prevail, we shall, but never to glow, except for
the momentary flicker of misrepresented fortune
amidst a momentary gain of reason

blessed we all were, blessed we all are
sometimes we tried, often we failed
often we gave up, and sometimes we really tried
and at those times we felt we always did
but it had to end a certain way

it had to be a certain way,
it had to be a certain drone
it had to happen, come at some point
it might gradually die and out and i shall never know
but for all the flecks of light around me,
in this moment, i shall try mother