the women of my mind

today, i am about to disclose a few things, anybody hardly knows, the impetus has been provided by one of them i'd daresay.

1. well, i was a kid and i met this girl in a computer class. she wore specs and was fair, not exceptionally pretty but pretty. she was much elder to me i guess. i never asked. i never cared that much either. i remember one moment when we were sharing a book in class. our hands (elbows and arms) touched and stayed constantly so. It can be quite a adrenaline spurring moment for a guy aged 13, but i controlled myself. the class got over and i never met her again. i once saw someone on the road who looked like her, my best guess is it wasn't her. but since that moment i had a crush on her. the first crush i guess for me ( no not the first, that was a teacher). Anyway, i played with her then in my mind. she often wore a red dress, and always wore the specs. i wasn't completely devoid of conventions then, so i never undressed her. but i did have a crush on her 8-9 months after the class ended and never saw her again. she looked really beautiful in the dreams. at times she would be chewing something like she often did in class. it's funny how the mind works.

2. i was skimming through channels on the tele. i guess i caught mgm once; the true reason might have been i was looking for a listing of a movie like "blame it on rio" or "wild orchid" which had some action (the 11 o' clock show). i caught a face instead, a face of a woman with books in a library. she was wearing a simple dungree, horizontal striped white shirt with a blue jeans dungree over it. she was wearing specs of course :P. she had a slightly darker complexion. I had probably not seen anything as beautiful in my entire life. the clip was probably for two to three seconds and all i saw was an innocent simple look. i played it over and over in my mind. i exaggerated it to the level of madness in my mind. i thought that was the perfect look. i discussed about her with my friend and he understood my romance. he was more romantic than me. he understood it. i tried really hard to find who she was, i kept checking the channel again and again for one more time so i could see the listing and get something more. i guess all i knew was the movie was "if only", and those were the times without internet. months later i found out it was penelope cruz in the movie and was a ble to watch a few scenes of the movie, with her looking like an angel. i could have called her my first love. it was quite special, i went over and over again with her in my mind and spent time with her, watched her, watched her hair fall, felt her soft lips. saw the dreamy face and fondled her from behind as she wore the dungree and loved the specs so much. i was crazy about her and even though i feel crazy writing it, i realize that this is how the mind worked and this is what the mind fell in love with.

my weird real life experiences that have so far been locked in my mind. only one friend know s about it. hah, just another journal

a simple song

i dunno what to write and what to say
all i know is that there are seconds ticking away
what i say to you sounds so meaningless for once
the brilliance and the emptiness of language gets in the way
why one would read it, why i would i don't know
it's fun to read it smile at for once and say

That there's a long long road in front to the horizon
there's a small one trailed and left away
i can't see much ahead and can only follow
what can i say, there's just nothing left behind
nothing left behind, nothing left behind
oh, i've got nothing left behind

the funny thing now is as i know lay to rest
there's a tree there and i'm under it's shade
now i can try and look behind
take a moment there and let memories align
i can be sad and inconsequential all the same
these moments just don't make any sense

That there's a long long road in front to the horizon
there's a small one trailed and left away
i can't see much ahead and can only follow
what can i say, there's just nothing left behind
nothing left behind, nothing left behind
oh, i've got nothing left behind