if only i could speak, i would say
not just things that wander around in my mind
not just things that matter
but the things that pain
if only i had words,
my lone option would not be
to kill every bit slowly, one by one
so none is left, and none is better than some
if there was any light left
i would paint it with shadows
my words are knives
and they're full of blood
i would continue to mock
i would continue to drone
shell out junk, pilfer, plunder and scream
in mirth and joy as i destroy everything
there is nothing left
nothing more can be
i shall continue to be tormented
that was my curse
and i was born with it
i never believed in naysayers
or the mystery of birth
never accorded to heredity
or the star soothsayers
but torment and hatred was bred within me
and yes, i was born with it
until everyone kills me
i shall continue to fight my battle
to continue to kill everyone within me
one shall win in the end
sadistic as i am, i hope it's me
the dry leaves shall wither
the oceans shall dry
blood dust and torment will breathe the land
smoke and charr will be all you will be allowed to breathe
and as you try and live,
i will suck every breath of life from within me
sometimes i wonder if the tormentor
is around me or within me
i cannot defend myself from the one around me
i can at least harvest the one within me
every night every morning
even as this tinge of melodramtaic greed gnaws away
i shall resist it
there is no hope left for any of us
why should i then leave anything within me
beauty was a mistress then
and beauty is a mistress now
beauty will continue to prey on us all
i have already sacrificed myself
but it shall not forgive me
by the end i will lose my eyes
and be spread out like a corpse
and it will eagerly chew up my carcass
it shall enjoy scavenging slowly and painfully
but not give up
my obsession is only matched by my murderer
i shall continue to struggle and
it will never let things end
in my dying moments
in what i can only hope for myself
the only optimism is that
when i close my eyes
let there be nothing left of me at all
