outside

oh how i wish i was outside
how i wish i was among the stars
how i wish i was on the turf of grass
how i wish i had no ceilings

the animal in me hurts for sky above
hurts for the perfume of raw air
how it yearns to run amok and be free
how it can’t help but be aimless and direction less whenever it tries to

how i yearn to be outside
how i would want the sun to be out again
how i would want to feel the warmth of cool rain drops
how i want to feel water and dirt and reclaim by body, almost a corpse now

the time shall come, it shall come
i will get over my worthless struggle
and in the end, i’ll be free again
i’ll be freer than before, i’ll be free
at least for once

—

how once i wished to be with you
but now i wish to be with myself, at ease and in peace

how i wish to be me, again, more than i have ever been
remember more than ever what i have forgotten
find more than ever what i have lost
run harder than i have ever with old knees
fall lower and lower, and drift away

—