there will be time, there will be time
you will be mine, you will be mine
there will be shadows int he pale dusk
there will be light in the pale dawn

there will something i can explain
there will be insomnia, gloominess and a state afloat
there will be nothingness and something
nothingness of nothingness
and something of nothingness

peace

finally a simple song

i need to write a song
and i hope now you will sing along
the best songs remain unsung
but my selfish desires stand within
they burn and rage like fire
oh my selfish desire

i can walk and trip along
as i sing and hum along
there's that sparkle in your eye
i so wanna oblige
i am so full of dust
can't you see the beauty in the lust

oh let's go now baby tango
breeze into a world of haze
as the sun dissapears
and moon's singing praise
i would tell you more at once
but lets just dance and that's a must

oh i swear i could be dead
but now i'd rather be alive
the greenery can shed
so i would cry along and cry

oh cmon now don't stop coming
i intend to keep on sucking
at your beauty dear muse
you just have me in a trance
and there is this sweet romance
as i write this truly simple song
all i wanna do is jump and jog

there will be times ahead
as we swing on and fight
let the air around us breathe
as our mirth and joy unite
there is no subtlety in sexuality
now there's no room for more
let the people die and go to hell
as i spring along alone
jump high and overboard,
there is nothing left in sight
you cannot touch my plight
my minds going places and jumping circles
oh if only you could see
that blood and dust unite

bol do na

hum jo baithe hain udhas
gum ki hai barasaat
hum jo baithe hain udhaas
gum ki hai barasaat
bolo main kya karoon
tum naa jo mere paas
hum tum jo naa hain saath
bolo main kya karoon

bol do na, mujhse tum kaho na
ab jo meri saanson mein taraang
baj rahi hai machalti yeh pawan
gaan mein bhi baaje ka umang
roshni jo chede us patang ko

bolon main kya karoon
bolo main kya karoon
bol do

ab humein jaana aur hai
gaana toh bajaana aur hai
gaa ke muskuraana aur hai
bolo main kya karoon

saath hai jashn ka mazaa
thandi thandi chalti woh hawaa
kahan chup gayi hai tu
aa bhi jaa na
sang tu gaa na
phir se jhilmila na

gaaenge phir hum sang sang
motor pe chalegi apni jung
bhaag daud hum machaenge
dhol bin phir hum gaaenge
kahan chup gayi hai tu
aa bhi jaa na

chand pighlega paani mein
raat liptegi jawaani mein
hum tum phir saath gaaenge
paani mein tilmilaaenge
jhoomenge behonsh ho jaaenge

laut aao na
laut aao na
chain se humein sone do na
mar jaane do na
thanda pad jaane do na
silvaton si sisakti is shareer ko thodi shaanti do na...

the shell

the shell is so inviting and safe. it is so much easier to delve into it. it is so much more comfortable to swim in it, alone. it is the only true provider of comfort in this world. no family, parents, siblings, friends can provide what the shell provides, true acceptance, total acceptance, it is like the air and atmosphere in it are made to help you lie down and awake to nothingness. a place where acceptance is complete, a place where the bitch called attention is at rest, a place where there is no need to prove, anything to anyone, a place where even you can be forgiving of yourself for a while.

i love my shell, and i love the walls of my shell. i have a long standing relationship with them. my shell provides me with comfort like no other. well i ain't a glue sniffer. it's just that it's in the air. the shell is where you can be alone, devoid of the world, away from it, there is only you and thus you understands you. there is emptiness, silence, mirth. manic laughter, everything for you, selfish, mindless, numbing, but comfortable is the word, beauty is just a part which never manages to be wholesome. [manic laugh]

the women of my mind

today, i am about to disclose a few things, anybody hardly knows, the impetus has been provided by one of them i'd daresay.

1. well, i was a kid and i met this girl in a computer class. she wore specs and was fair, not exceptionally pretty but pretty. she was much elder to me i guess. i never asked. i never cared that much either. i remember one moment when we were sharing a book in class. our hands (elbows and arms) touched and stayed constantly so. It can be quite a adrenaline spurring moment for a guy aged 13, but i controlled myself. the class got over and i never met her again. i once saw someone on the road who looked like her, my best guess is it wasn't her. but since that moment i had a crush on her. the first crush i guess for me ( no not the first, that was a teacher). Anyway, i played with her then in my mind. she often wore a red dress, and always wore the specs. i wasn't completely devoid of conventions then, so i never undressed her. but i did have a crush on her 8-9 months after the class ended and never saw her again. she looked really beautiful in the dreams. at times she would be chewing something like she often did in class. it's funny how the mind works.

2. i was skimming through channels on the tele. i guess i caught mgm once; the true reason might have been i was looking for a listing of a movie like "blame it on rio" or "wild orchid" which had some action (the 11 o' clock show). i caught a face instead, a face of a woman with books in a library. she was wearing a simple dungree, horizontal striped white shirt with a blue jeans dungree over it. she was wearing specs of course :P. she had a slightly darker complexion. I had probably not seen anything as beautiful in my entire life. the clip was probably for two to three seconds and all i saw was an innocent simple look. i played it over and over in my mind. i exaggerated it to the level of madness in my mind. i thought that was the perfect look. i discussed about her with my friend and he understood my romance. he was more romantic than me. he understood it. i tried really hard to find who she was, i kept checking the channel again and again for one more time so i could see the listing and get something more. i guess all i knew was the movie was "if only", and those were the times without internet. months later i found out it was penelope cruz in the movie and was a ble to watch a few scenes of the movie, with her looking like an angel. i could have called her my first love. it was quite special, i went over and over again with her in my mind and spent time with her, watched her, watched her hair fall, felt her soft lips. saw the dreamy face and fondled her from behind as she wore the dungree and loved the specs so much. i was crazy about her and even though i feel crazy writing it, i realize that this is how the mind worked and this is what the mind fell in love with.

my weird real life experiences that have so far been locked in my mind. only one friend know s about it. hah, just another journal

a simple song

i dunno what to write and what to say
all i know is that there are seconds ticking away
what i say to you sounds so meaningless for once
the brilliance and the emptiness of language gets in the way
why one would read it, why i would i don't know
it's fun to read it smile at for once and say

That there's a long long road in front to the horizon
there's a small one trailed and left away
i can't see much ahead and can only follow
what can i say, there's just nothing left behind
nothing left behind, nothing left behind
oh, i've got nothing left behind

the funny thing now is as i know lay to rest
there's a tree there and i'm under it's shade
now i can try and look behind
take a moment there and let memories align
i can be sad and inconsequential all the same
these moments just don't make any sense

That there's a long long road in front to the horizon
there's a small one trailed and left away
i can't see much ahead and can only follow
what can i say, there's just nothing left behind
nothing left behind, nothing left behind
oh, i've got nothing left behind

cal darling here i come.

happens when you're going home after a long time

cal darling, here i come. offer a little rest to my bones, a place to lie down and awaken to the sweet sounds of utensils preparing magic to sooth your stomach, the smell, the dirt, here i come, the laziness, the frenzy, the love and the joy, cal darling, here i come, offer me some wisdom, the wisdom of ignorance, the freedom of easiness, i just have a few days, i am your customer for the weekend, bring the bliss, bring the cake, bring the delicacies, some speed in flight and not in thought, a place for which i yearn, for some time, nothing to learn. cal darling, here i come!

hindi poetry

some shit i wrote a long while back, hah

tum jab se zindagi mein aaye, aankhein band karna dushwaar ho gaya
bahut samjhaaya man ko, magar kehta raha hamein pyaar ho gaya
aankhen khuli to dhund, aakhein band to tum
maano bas tum hi tum rah gaye, saara sansar kho gaya

kuch log kehte hain ki peene ka maza kuch aur hi hai, woh baat alag hai ki main peeta nahin, kuch log kehte hain ki peene ka maza kuch aur hi hai, woh baat alag hai ki main peeta nahin, kuch log ye bhi kehte hain ki jeene ka mazaa kuch aur hi hai, woh baat alag hai ki main marta nahin